I haven't posted in a few days. I guess I don't really know what to write. I feel better...then I don't...then I'm nauseated...then I'm not...then my head hurts..then it doesn't. Neuro recovery is different than other recoveries. Usually..it's all about the incision healing. That is the least of the issues for me. My hearing is great...then it's not. My eyes are fine..then they are not. I can have a conversation and I'm fine..the next conversation is filled with jumbled words and thoughts that I can't get out. Don't get me wrong..things are so much better than before surgery..in so many ways..I just didn't expect such an internal struggle..mental fatigue. I feel selfish and self-centered..and I've always strived to not be that way. I feel like I'm sitting and forever thinking, analyzing my brain..and I don't know how to click back into being normal.
I will say that I have been so touched by the kindness of others. Jason and Tami came over and provided dinner..(which is a story in itself that I'll go into detail about another time), Stefanie came to visit, Bonnie and Wayne came to visit...unexpected gifts and kindnesses from people I never expected to hear from..It's been very touching. At the same time, I feel sad that I haven't heard from others..it's odd how we have these expectations of people..you know..those people you think will be your strongest support..or your biggest fan...and then...they aren't. I had a couple of times over the weekend that I got a little down about unmet expectations...but I quickly kept myself in check by reminding myself how many totally unexpected kindnessess, well-wishes and prayers I've recieved. I had a donation made to CaringBridge by one of my mom's classmates...my mom is almost 70...and her classmates from high school are posting on here and giving tributes...How awesome is that? (Thanks Fay and Janice for your support). My sweet cousin in MS has her Sunday School Class praying for me still....in small-town Batesville...and I get messages from people I haven't seen in years in my hometown of Charleston...You all have no idea how touched an honored I have been..I told Bob this morning.."I think brain surgery makes you emotional."...As I read a simple, "I'm praying for you..text" and cried for no reason. .(.I bet he was so glad to go to work this morning!)
Forgive the rambling..I guess it's gonna be an emotional day.Pray for Mom and Bob as they are the ones here riding the emotional rollercoaster with me.
Mom and I go to Houston to get my stitches out tomorrow. I'll post again after that. Have a great Monday!