January 11, 2013

I am an emotional wreck. I cry and can not control myself. I cried today on the phone with Everly (the magician that makes my hair presentable). A few hours after I got off the phone with her..I start laughing at myself..its JUST HAIR! I cried in my manager's office yesterday. I cried on the phone with my mom this morning. I cried picking out wedding invitations. I cried sitting on my sofa just talking to Stefanie. I cried because I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat. I cried on the phone with the hospital making payment arrangements. I cried talking to Bob's step-mom on the phone. And it's not like I'm in deep emotional conversations...I'm just a sap right now. I can't wait for Grey's Anatomy to come on tonight so I can cry some more! There was a time not too long ago when I thought I was all cried out. Just a few months ago I felt normal and balanced. I used to always tell people that we like to feel in control..but control is an illusion. I meant that when I said it. I mean it sounds very philosophical. However, I have come to realize that I didn't really believe it. I really believe it now. God is in control. My hope and trust is in Him.