March 21, 2013

Yesterday, I said out loud, "I feel really good today, it's like a normal day"..within minutes a mild Chiari headache hit. (it's like the Chiari has ears)  It waxed and waned and eventually went away. Then Bob and I made a trip to Lowe's and Home Depot.  Stores like that remind me how big the world is...and how fast it moves.  I'm not on the same wavelength as the rest of you just yet. It's frustrating.

PT was earlier today.  Today we did all "muscle work"..so that means painful touching and muscle manipulation. My head and neck muscles have been burning ever since (that was 4 1/2 hrs ago). I was a little freaked out that we did this one exercise where, with Neil's help, I had to make a square (like physically move to the four corners of the square) with my shoulder.  While laying on my side, Neil slightly lifts my shoulder and  we rotate to the four corners, five times in one direction then five times to the other direction. The freaked out part came because I was thinking about the movement, but felt Neil was doing all of the moving. My brain could not make the connection He said I was doing most of the work, but you know how it feels when your hand is asleep and you move but it doesn't feel like you move? Yeah-that's it, but with no tingling..just no feeling at all.  So this is the beginning of "muscle retraining" and it literally brought me to tears.  I have a few weeks of this then will go on to strengthening..(I was like, "You mean we aren't strengthening yet?") Apparently, all we've been doing is trying to get my brain, eyes and muscles to communicate while waking up the muscles. Wouldn't you think that pain = awake?  Anyway...that's the way the day has gone.  I've gone from feeling great yesterday to feeling like I'm way behind today. I know, you don't have to say it...I need to stay positive...and I am...I just need a few hours to whimper a little, lick my wounds..and then I'll get back to business.  

 My goodness..What am I saying???  I'm getting married in 23 days..there's no time for wound licking! There is no time for whimpering! ( I can just hear Tom Hanks yelling "Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball !!" --and if you haven't seen that movie...you need to)- What am I thinking???  There's no whimpering or wound licking in wedding planning!!!  

So, anyway..I'll check back in a few days from now. Thanks so much for your continued prayers and support through this process.

 **Almost daily I learn of a new person or persons (many of  whom I never expected) following this journal AND praying for me. Then,  I am dumbfounded. Such undue kindness from so many. I can't wrap my mind around it. Please know, I am exceedingly grateful for each of you.