March 21, 2013
Yesterday, I said out loud, "I feel really good today, it's like a
normal day"..within minutes a mild Chiari headache hit. (it's like the Chiari has ears) It waxed and
waned and eventually went away. Then Bob and I made a trip to Lowe's and
Home Depot. Stores like that remind me how big the world is...and how
fast it moves. I'm not on the same wavelength as the rest of you just
yet. It's frustrating.
PT was earlier today. Today we did all
"muscle work"..so that means painful touching and muscle manipulation.
My head and neck muscles have been burning ever since (that was 4 1/2
hrs ago). I was a little freaked out that we did this one exercise
where, with Neil's help, I had to make a square (like physically move to
the four corners of the square) with my shoulder. While laying on my
side, Neil slightly lifts my shoulder and we rotate to the four
corners, five times in one direction then five times to the other
direction. The freaked out part came because I was thinking about the
movement, but felt Neil was doing all of the moving. My brain could not
make the connection He said I was doing most of the work, but you know
how it feels when your hand is asleep and you move but it doesn't feel
like you move? Yeah-that's it, but with no tingling..just no feeling at
all. So this is the beginning of "muscle retraining" and it literally
brought me to tears. I have a few weeks of this then will go on to
strengthening..(I was like, "You mean we aren't strengthening yet?")
Apparently, all we've been doing is trying to get my brain, eyes and
muscles to communicate while waking up the muscles. Wouldn't you think
that pain = awake? Anyway...that's the way the day has gone. I've gone
from feeling great yesterday to feeling like I'm way behind today. I
know, you don't have to say it...I need to stay positive...and I am...I
just need a few hours to whimper a little, lick my wounds..and then I'll
get back to business.
goodness..What am I saying??? I'm getting married in 23 days..there's
no time for wound licking! There is no time for whimpering! ( I can just
hear Tom Hanks yelling "Are you crying? There's no crying in baseball !!" --and
if you haven't seen that movie...you need to)- What am I thinking???
There's no whimpering or wound licking in wedding planning!!!
So, anyway..I'll check back in a few days from now. Thanks so much for your continued prayers and support through this process.
daily I learn of a new person or persons (many of whom I never
expected) following this journal AND praying for me. Then, I am
dumbfounded. Such undue kindness from so many. I can't wrap my mind
around it. Please know, I am exceedingly grateful for each of you.