"I don't even know how you begin to plan for something like that..."
As soon as my co-worker said it, I felt hollow inside. I half smiled and shrugged my shoulders, shrugging it off as no big deal as I went back to my office.
Once in my office, I opened my planner. I felt grateful to still be a week away from having to turn the page to the next month, October, where the words SURGERY were written across the date of Thursday, the 23rd. Still a month to go, so no need to panic. Right?
Now, I've turned the page to October, and the days are slowly rolling one day into the next as I plan and prepare. I've had all of the required scans and am waiting for a follow up conversation with my surgeon. I've submitted all of the documents to my employer, my primary care doctor, my surgeon's office and I'm waiting on responses. Pre op labs are scheduled, hotel reservation is made. Flights are booked. I bought new pajamas and am considering cutting my hair. Things are moving right along, both very quickly and at the same time, at a snail's pace.
I have a million questions for the surgeons that spin around in my head continually. How much range of motion will I lose? How do you determine where to fuse me? How do you know what my natural gaze should be? Will I have trouble eating or swallowing? And the list goes on and on.
I busy myself with packing- because my husband I are likely insane to be moving the week before surgery. When I'm not at work, I either pack or rest. Or, like today, I research. Today, I'm researching foods I should avoid with mast cell activation syndrome, because I want to have a list of the foods I can have available for those taking care of me. I worry about how I'll feel post op, then I stop and pray and try to clear my mind.
I decide to pour this out on the block I started about nine years ago--I don't even know if anyone ever reads it , but I plan to use it to track my recovery, So I decided to start today.
19 days and counting!